Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Starving

If I'm walking funny it's because the IRS just fist-fucked me up the ass. Geez! I'm earning a very decent income now, but tax season really got me. It goes to show that every silver lining has a sea of dark clouds attached to it.

I may go back to being poor just to receive a tax refund instead of paying. The lesson here is that I need to be more careful with my earnings. Now I know what to expect next year.

For now, it's back to eating cup-o-noodles for a while.



***

It has been over eighty days since I have been with a woman. This is good news for a sex addict like myself. The thing is...

I had a near-miss the other night with a woman who could end up being my girlfriend. No dice. I kept thinking about she-who-must-not-be-named, the ANA woman who is my Josephine. It wouldn't go up at all. That goes to show that women can cock-block a fellow even from a remote distance.

Sigh...

This is an unusual situation for me. The universe is giving me more opportunities than ever to create a lasting relationship with a woman and yet, it's all falling apart. Remember I said that I didn't want to mess with women this year to focus on my work? Ha. Ha!

The universe, Fortuna, Lady Luck, God, Fate, Chaos (call this entity whatever you like) had other ideas.

I don't understand it.




***

That ends our weekly installment of "Days of My Sexless Life." Now that I got that drama out of the way, I can talk about fiction. The really ridiculous good news is that the drama, the episodes of my current life, all make their way to my fiction.

In the past few months I have gotten more ideas for the LAX story from direct experiences than for any other story. It bothers me to an extent to put so much of myself in a book. But that's the point, right?

Putting yourself on the page involves more than fictionalizing the events of your life. A writer has to find their voice and be proud of it when he/she does.

For example, my fictional voice doesn't sound like Cormac McCarthy and not like John Steinbeck. No matter what I do, I don't sound like them. That's okay, though.

The other night, while working on The Sprite, I read over a passage that I had altered a little. I liked it because it had my voice in it, where before it was bland. Before, I was trying to write in a certain way that never succeeded because I wasn't into it.

It's helping me write the LAX story. My progress this month has slowed, but I expected that since I'm giving my attention to other projects (and since I now have to work a few extra days to help pay my tax debt!).




LC






Sunday, March 29, 2015

The midpoint...

I'm at the midpoint of the outline I created for the LAX story. Here's the alarming point: I'm at just over 45,000 words. My original goal was to have a 60,000 word manuscript, but it now looks like I may have a 90,000--100,000 word manuscript instead!

Naturally, I've been trimming the hell out of my outline so that I don't end up having to write 120,000+ words to complete. It's amazing the way a novel blossoms like this. And it's even more amazing that I'm putting down so much so fast. Before March is over, I think I can get in another two chapters, which will put my March total at 30,000+ words.

At this pace, I won't finish by the end of April, like I had hoped. But I like that it's because the story is growing more complex. Still, I will be so close to finishing in a month that it will be beside the point.

Continuing to work at the ANA ticket counter motivates me, since I'm right there where the action in the book takes place. I can almost see my protagonist doing the things I describe. The only hiccup is that I also have to see my Josephine there too. Luckily, she's seeing someone else, so that takes my attention away from her.

Good for her. She looks happy too and she deserves it. I need to focus on my work.

In April, since I'm doing so good in March, I will detour a little and work on some other projects to get a head start. This is something I meant to do last year, but just couldn't get around to for whatever reason. It's always pathetic the way that other things get in the way.

But like Mr. Faulkner said, if you have a mind to write, you will do it. I'm paraphrasing, of course; I don't memorize the quotes of dead writers. That is a disservice to them. Instead, enjoy the living works that they left behind.

***

At the midpoint of the story, you begin to wonder how it will end. Here I am, ready to punch through to the last sentence of the book.

I already wrote a draft of the epilogue, which I see now will have to be modified in a number of ways. Hell, I may just delete it.

I want the ending of this story to be unique. I don't want it to just end. I want the reader to reveal themselves to me, the writer, as I revealed myself to them throughout the whole of the story. There has to be a mirror there, so you can tell me who you are.

That's all I want to say about that.



LC/LA

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Dude stuff...

I'm currently researching for the LAX story. It seems a little late to do that since I'm also currently writing it. But I can always use the research when I'm revising it. There is never a moment when it is too late to use research to enhance the story.

For example, I've read a few love tales lately that play with this idea:

Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about

Junot Diaz and his short story collection, This is How you Lose Her, is one of those books. Gone With the Wind and Pride and Prejudice are others. These are all excellent books that look at romance in a variety of ways.

I'm leaning more towards Diaz and his short stories. They are about breaking up or when things in a relationship just aren't going to work. It hits home when I think about all the nonsense I am going through with my Josephine. The men in Junot's stories are hard (different versions of a man named Yunior) and painfully realistic. But eventually his protagonists get it. It's time to give up. Despite being unable to stop thinking about them, it's time to give up. I'm ready for that too. I'm done. I threw in my towel this week; my Josephine has moved on to greener pastures already.

Pride and Prejudice is my current reading selection. It's very flippant about its subject matter: Women were dependent on marriage to establish themselves. This starts with a great line that I used in the LAX story already. I wanted to read this because this is where that rascal, Darcy, was born. That he captured the hearts of so many women in the 20th century speaks of his charm. I want to see that charm in action.

Gone with the Wind is coming up on my reading list. This too ends with heartbreak. At least that's what I gathered from the movie version. I'm curious to see how the book ends.

My life, my readings, my observations, all fuel this fictional romance I want to write.

***

It's surprising that I haven't been able to find what I want. I'm basically looking for a dictionary of terms used by men. We have our own vocabulary pamphlet and, gosh darn it, I forgot where I put my copy; maybe it's in between the folds on the couch, but I haven't looked. My nagging suspicion is that my Josephine took it with her when she snagged my balls and ran off with them.

The internet has offered me very little help on the matter. I thought there would be some database out there... Or maybe I'm not using the right search criteria; the amount of trouble I had to find the term Mouthpiece was discouraging.

Mouthpiece: A woman wooed by men who unknowingly speaks positive things on our behalf to more desirable women, thereby making us look like better candidates.

Forget about finding the man-term dummy girlfriend and I got these weird results. None of them had to do with what I wanted; some were for pornographic websites where men and dummies...

Dummy girlfriend: A girlfriend whose purpose is to make the real object of our affection see how great we are at being a boyfriend; later, when the woman we want makes a move on us, we dump the dummy girlfriend.

There are more terms that I won't share here.

***

I feel stupid that I didn't know a quarter for the year had only three months. It was disappointing since I wanted to have a draft of the LAX story done by the end of the first quarter.

My pace is pretty good right now and my word count is far ahead than I planned. If I work hard, I can have the second third of the story done by the end of March.

I'm doing so well that I decided to let a couple of library friends have a look at what I have so far. It's the first time that I have sought feedback on a project so early in the writing stage. But I like what I've written so far. Hopefully, they do too.




LC / LA